I’m thankful that I’m smiling again and life feels light. The end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020 felt like I was “walking through the valley of the shadow of death”. I swear I’m not even trying to be dramatic. Walking with fear-filled insecurities crippled me. There was a reason I had to go through this rut.
That experience has been my lowest to date. Feelings of extreme hurt, anger, and disappointment engulfed me. I felt helpless and hopeless. There’s a quote that says, “ships don’t sink because of the water around them. Ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you, get inside you and weigh you down.”
I allowed my circumstances to weigh me down. I was that sinking ship for awhile. It felt impossible to swim to shore but lucky for me I wasn’t swimming alone. This might sound corny, but God sent his angels who threw me a life jacket. They knocked me out with their love and support so that I won’t drown them or myself.
I feel so much gratitude for my friends and family who has been rallying for me. Who has taught me how to start praying for myself again because they were praying so hard for me. It’s something special when you know that there are people on this earth supplementing prayers on your behalf. Those prayers and my own slowly but surely has been pulling me out the mouth of the beast.
Today I’m in a much better mental space than I was a day or two ago. I’ve accepted the reality of what is, forgiven myself, found wisdom in my mistakes, and working on letting go of the past. I have a great future ahead and I’m excited to be more in control of the things and situations I get myself involved in.
What this low point in my life has taught me:
This is real life. It’s not always pretty, it can get dirty and grungy and real hard. The beauty is in the experience, in the resilience to learn the lesson, to take your F and to bounce back. Not everyone has the strength necessary to bounce back. So, whenever you find yourself at the lowest and yet you still find the courage to soar again, be thankful. Grace has kept you safe.
My self -love project and my need to heal positioned me in the path of therapy. Finally, I now have a counselor here in Grenada who’s going to help me unpack and repack my life experiences. She uses cognitive therapy to help clients become in sync with their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I’m looking forward to our sessions, growing, healing and becoming the badass I’m meant to be.
Woosah that was my unload. Hope your 2020 is treating you with loads of respect 😊