Keeping it together when it’s so easy to fall apart…

I’ve been feeding on gorilla glue for the past few months. I’ve come to a point in life that’s pleasantly gray. So far, it’s been loads of cloudy days with peeks of sunlight here or there. Does this sound familiar? Every once in a while I can hear a slight crack of thunder but nothing strong enough to shake me up…yet. Now and then, the clouds get pretty heavy and are on the brink of bursting. Those moments I will the rain away. I sometimes get a drop or two of stubborn raindrops as if they are sending me the “hey, get it together” message. As if I really don’t want to ‘ GET IT TOGETHER’ (roll eyes). My justification button notes, “AT LEAST I AM KEEPING IT TOGETHER”.

Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, finding balance has been daunting. Balance is an important word in my being but it seems to be playing hide and seek with my emotions lately. Still keeping it together. I noticed I haven’t been smiling or laughing fully much. Seems like I’ve chosen to be in a state of lonesomeness. I’m not the loner type though but experiences, let downs and disappointments seem to be where the fingers point. It’s getting me nowhere, but still; I search for a doorway to escape the impending ‘fall apart’. My ego would not allow such demise to overcome my being.

I seek answers and solutions from other humans. I expect a quick resolve; the instant gratification, the quick fix, the get rich fast scheme that seems to be devoid of words like ‘hard work’ or ‘commitment’ or ‘challenges’ or ‘ failure’ or even the big word ‘success’. Those are not much of my favorite words. They create mixed feelings for me. I can’t even justify the thought process behind some of them. It’s bombarded by so much, filled with so much, yet misses so much “stuff”. But, I’m keeping it together.

Focusing on me even if I feel empty, more like drained of empathy for self. I should have life figured out, right? I should know exactly what I want, right? I should have a goal. I should have plans to meet that goal, RIGHT? I should have a great career, by now. I should have some kids, by now. Throw in a house and car, by now. I should be OVER trying to figure it out, by now. I should be on my way to the “top”, by now. I should know what I want to be when I grow up, by now.

But guess WHAT… I’ve decided today that right NOW, you know this present moment, where I’m lying in bed, under my favorite blanket, getting all worked up writing this, feeling a Lil bit overwhelm, with a headache trying to peek in because maybe I have not had my morning coffee as yet, wondering if I should share this and what would people think (I cannot fucking stand the what would people think thought, but that’s another entry by itself). YES, I’ve decided that I AM WHERE I NEED TO BE RIGHT NOW. It’s not the ideal place, nor is it my end point. It is just my NOW. It’s the stormy or gray area in MY journey. It’s my pivoting point that I can choose to keep it together or let it all fall apart. But, fuck falling apart and all those who may think they know how my life should be lived. I would not allow that. What I would allow though is for the universe to open my eyes to see opportunities that lie in times where we feel no opportunities exist. To ask for courage to not be scared to really dig deeeep within the cores of my being and truly be fearless in accepting and taking what is mine. I ask God for the strength to kill with love that terrorist that lives in my head that doesn’t seem to like me that much.

I know I am not alone. I know that you may be at a point in your journey where you are fighting to keep it together daily. I’m sure there must be one person out there who is afraid to dream big because you don’t think you are deserving of GREATNESS. Whether it may be symptoms of early childhood where identities, values, and culture were fostered, or during our teenage years, where the need for acceptance influenced beliefs and personalities. Whatever it may be, what are some things you’re found helpful in you keeping it together?

 

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10 comments so far.

10 responses to “Keeping it together when it’s so easy to fall apart…”

  1. Maura says:

    I’ve always had the “think positive” vibe going for me I find when I keep the mind thinking good thoughts it keeps me happy and looking forward to every day a new adventure 😊

    • Laureen says:

      That’s a good vibe to have Maura. I have to force my mind on tough days, it’s as stubborn as it’s owner lol. I realize when I am totally focused on accomplishing a task (like getting this site ready to launch today), I didn’t have time to think. I loved the feeling I got. So now I’m going to be more mindful about using productivity to keep productive 🙂

  2. Sandy says:

    Am so intrigued by this.. it got my full attention from start to finish.. I see a book in the making 👍🏽👍🏽😍😍

    • Laureen says:

      Aweee I am glad it got your attention. A book is certainly due in the future. Subject unknown at the moment hahaha. You will get the first copy…pinky promise 🙂

  3. patricia Williams says:

    Lots of good information that can be applied to our everyday lives. Certainly caught my interest. I want an autograph copy of that book. Kudos to you.

    • Laureen says:

      Hahaha oh my god to think one day my name can be worth something lol. I am putting it out in the universe, intention, intentions, intentions lol. Thanks Aunty:-)

  4. Love this. It gets so scary at times and I’m famous for hiding my feelings. Just know that it’s all working out for the good and you are going to be where you’re meant to be! 😊

    • Laureen says:

      Girl it does get scary when you feel like you have no control over life lol. I find being open is helpful for me cause it makes deep issues easier to target through feedback from trusted ppl. You realize you’re not alone and so many of us have the same fears and life concerns. It makes the road a bit easier to travel, trusting the universe :-). I agree though that it’s all working out for the best.

  5. Nikki says:

    So insightful…it’s hard, daunting even to own up to some of the things written about here. Thanks for sharing. I don’t have it all together. Heck, I only figured out what I wanted to do with my life..career wise.. Last year! So keep going hun…one step at a time. The “race” is not for the swiftest, but those built to endure.

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