Get your thoughts out your head…

It has been said that keeping a journal is a good thing. Thanks to my notes app, I keep notes.
Whenever something is playing on my mind I head to my notes and start typing. Journaling, note keeping, poetry writing is my way of getting out of my head. What’s yours? It also helps to look back and go through the pages of your journals or live through the words of your poetry again. It can bring clarity by means of showcasing growth or a bothersome trend, a reminder may be of where you were and where you are at present. Sometimes you might find yourself reading something from two years ago and realize you’re still dealing with the same issue TODAY. What does that say? Maybe it means you haven’t faced the problem, faced your fear or you have been doing the same thing expecting a different result but it doesn’t happen. From this black and white awareness, you can now really start to work on dissolving unsolved issues.
Today I have the experience of revisiting old notes and I came across a piece I wrote almost two years ago. I felt a bit ashamed of myself. It was my first initial wave of emotion and thoughts were immediately negative. My self-talk went something like this…’ Unbelievable, what have you been doing all this time. Why are you thinking and feeling the same way you’ve been thinking two years ago. What is wrong, why aren’t things different now. Why aren’t YOU different?’
Yes, the negative self-talk we are all guilty of. I use to think I was the only one with this nemesis in my head but now I know I’m not alone. I don’t know why it’s so easy to be unloving to ourselves. To beat ourselves up for just being the imperfect creatures we are. After berating myself I had to shower myself with love. I had to remind myself that I am human, I am a work in progress, I will succeed and accomplish everything that’s for me, I am strong and will overcome all adversaries, I am love and love starts with me. Therefore even if in my head I feel like I’m still harboring the thoughts I may have had two years ago, I now trust that my awareness has heightened and I’m able to think more positively because I can not allow my thoughts to control Me. So, moving on from this experience; I’ve made a reminder to myself, that I would be my best friend and not an enemy.

JE SUIS LAUREEN. JE SUIS LOVE.

This is the note I came across today. It was written on June 11, 2014 @ 10:30pm

I’m scared to dream.

Scared to think of possibilities
Scared to believe good things can happen to me.
The chance of putting it to the universe and getting results back in turn to me is like buying lottery.
If I do win, though, would I feel worthy enough?
Would I feel deserving of being considered “lucky”?
If I don’t go through a struggle then I don’t deserve it.
If I do go through a struggle then maybe it wasn’t meant for me.
Can’t do easy but can’t face hard so where do I find balance.
The space I exist in is a self-made hell.
I’m trapped in a space where staying in is hard but getting out and facing a new mentality seems harder.
I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve experienced, I’ve changed but my life is yet to present the peace and clarity I seem to be yearning for.
My daily struggle with my conscience. The need to always do right not understanding that doing wrong is necessary to balance things out.
I dunno where is the destination of this roller coaster. I don’t mind the dips, twist and turns, unexpected drops and crazy ride. What I do want is to enjoy it without question, be open to its changes and have faith that I’ll be ok no matter what even when it’s OVER ☺️

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4 comments so far.

4 responses to “Get your thoughts out your head…”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Great writing It was an enjoyable read ❌⭕️❌⭕️

  2. Diamond says:

    Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Please subscribe to get notifications of new post 😘

  3. Completely agree with you regarding the journal writing! I feel that it is very therapeutic and helps me figure out why I feel a certain way and what I can do to change that. Any time I'm annoyed or angry or feeling "stressed", I'm like nuh uh – I need to get to writing!

    But you're right, we are in control of our thoughts and actions, and I wished more people would realize that.

    Good post!

  4. Diamond says:

    We are in control but girllll its a battle when it seems uncontrollable. Drives my butt crazy cause i'm such a mental person. Being conscious of it though is a stepping stone.

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